Tatum O’Neal was on Oprah yesterday (here in Australia) and I just had to write about it. She was telling of her recent headline-making arrest for possession of cocaine. Some months ago she said on a previous Oprah show that she was attending a twelve step program to help her beat her addictions and this latest arrest broke a ten month period of abstinence.
My heart goes out to her. She spoke of the deep-seated unworthiness she feels, even going so far as to admit that she has trouble feeling she has a right to be here. It was shocking to hear that regardless of what I could see as her physical beauty, her remarkable talents and gifts, and her three beautiful children, she still cannot muster the love of self we all need to hold our own space in the world.
But what really got my attention was the shame she professed to feeling as both mother and addict. O’Neal said that society reserves a particularly harsh and unforgiving judgement of women addicts, especially older women, and even more so women who are mothers.
It caused me pause. Not only are women held to a higher standard than men in just about all aspects of their personal and social conduct, but when they fail to live up to those false and artificial standards their shame and punishment is harsher – if not legally, then certainly socially.
So this is what I would say to Tatum O’Neal:
You are, like all of us, a spark of the Divine, and as such have an indestructible and eternal connection with our Source. You are, in fact, Source manifested on earth. All that Source Is and Has is who you are, who we all are.
Addiction is not a cause for shame. It is just one path to the light, one path on the journey to self-discovery and enlightenment. Love yourself, for it is in love that we are led to the understanding of who we truly are. Love is our true nature, and when we love we move closer to seeing our true selves manifested.
You are loved by all who know our shared spiritual heritage. We love you, cherish you and honour you. The path you walk is our path and your experience helps light the way for all. We do not judge you, we honour you for your struggle – your struggle is our struggle - and we give gratitude that you are here with us today.
Love is all there is. This human journey is merely an opportunity for us to feel, express and give love – to ourselves and others – despite the seeming absence of love. Don’t be tricked by the seeming of the physical world. It is not all there is. At the heart of all life, all being and all learning, is love. Only love.
