I met up yesterday with an old friend who I haven’t seen for 10 years. We used to live in Singapore together. We would spend our time with our kids round the pool, chatting and enjoying being with people from a whole range of different countries but funnily enough, all having the same problems.
That’s because most of our problems stem from our relationships. Our relationships are the thorn in all our sides.
My friend told me she manages a girls’ high school golf team. And I not talking about hit and giggle here - these girls are seriously talented and some of them have ended up on the pro tour. But my friend says, when she’s with them, all they want to do is ask her about boys.
They want to know how to work out if a boy is the right one, and how to discern if the boy loves them as much they love the boy, etc. etc. The same old questions that have been asked down through the ages, in every language and culture in the world.
I recently heard an inspired answer to that first question: how do we know if they are the one? I was attending a talk at a metaphysical bookshop here in California (this particular book shop offers free talks six nights out of seven - I am in spooky heaven!!!!) and the fellow giving the presentation was asked this very question.
This was his answer: look at how the other person treats themselves, and then decide if you want to participate.
Sheer and utter genius. We all get so mesmerised by how our beloved treats us in those first romance-filled months we become blinded to what is really going on. When we are presented with evidence that our beloved might not be who we think they are we immediately dismiss that information as incorrect, invalid or inaccurate.
If they love themselves they are gentle and kind with both themselves and others. Because they first love themselves they have the capacity to truly love others and treat others with compassion. They know they are not perfect, per se, and do not seek perfection in others. They give others the same benefit of the doubt that they grant themselves in situations where they fail to meet the mark.
People who love themselves are not afraid of the truth. Because they love who they are, knowing they are not perfect, truth is no threat to them. A relationship that is based on truth is strong and resilient. Where there is love, truth follows closely behind.
So, if you’re out there, and wondering who the love of your life may be, take time to watch how they feel about themselves and how they treat themselves and know this is, ultimately, how they will treat you.
