The husband of a friend of mine walked out a few years ago. My friend struggled with all the obvious emotions - shock, anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal - but like most mothers I know, she never let any of this to distract her from her commitment to her children.

No matter how much was required of her, no matter how uneven the division of labour between her and their children’s father, she continued to do whatever it took to ensure her children were safe, happy and thriving. She is not a martyr or a moaner. She does it all gladly and with an open heart because, as she says, her children are her passion.

With time, her acceptance with the way things are has enabled her to lose sight of blame and guilt - on either side. And this is the meaning of forgiveness.

Her forgiveness does not mean she condones any of her ex-husbands words, actions or intentions. It merely means that she no longer judges him. It is what it is, and she is at peace with that.

And with her acceptance, a miracle has occurred.

She has a new perspective. She is beginning to see that she now has the best of both worlds. She shares her children with a man who loves them as much as she does, who wants everything for them as she does, and the two of them have gradually constructed a new relationship that happily centers around the children.

But all the while she is free to live life with a partner who is more compatible with her interests, her life goals and her evolving self. She is not locked into a life with someone she chose 25 years ago when she was a different person with different dreams and desires. She is starting to see how this has blessed her and her life.

And all it took was a shift in perspective.

This is how A Course in Miracles defines a miracle - a shift in perspective. Nothing more is needed because the seeming reality of any situation is only ever just one perspective. How we see an event or set of circumstances is the determinant of reality. Kabbalist Yehuda Berg writes:

A truly spiritual person is someone who knows that they are the cause and not the effect in life. In practical terms this means no one is capable of doing anything to us, for we create our reality through our words and actions – either in this life or a previous one. Although we strive to be sharing, spiritual, conscious human beings, an inability to forgive others, or ourselves, denies the laws of the universe.

When we hold onto anger, resentment, blame, and guilt, we overlook an important lesson; the essence of forgiveness lies in understanding that there is really nothing to forgive. No one has harmed us, nor can they ever harm us. Everything negative in our life is an effect of a negative seed planted long ago. The only way to remove the seeds before they take root is to let go and trust the Light.

The essence of this Light is love, or in other words, acceptance and compassion. And that is all we need.

As my friend has come to terms with her circumstances, and accepted them, she has opened the door to a new way of seeing things. Nothing needed to change in the externals of her life for her to find joy, peace and contentment, because the externals were always only ever incidental. And the blessing, for all, is miraculous.

Eileen McBride
Eileen McBride is the author of Love Equals Power 2, a spiritual seeker and teacher. This article was published on May 23, 2011.