I had a friend who was always on the run. I really liked her a lot, she was friendly and outgoing. But more than anything, she was interesting, and interested. Extremely well read, well travelled, and actively engaged in contemporary culture, she was always up for a good hashing of the big ideas of the day. I found her refreshing.
The only problem was we rarely had time to sit and shoot the breeze; I had to snatch precious moments with her in the few minutes she stopped running
- usually when she was picking up her three boys from school or attending a function together.
I remember vividly the one occasion when she had time to actually sit down and have a coffee with me. I felt privileged that she took this time with me. Ironically, it wasn’t long before I was ready to leave.
Although this was before the mobile phone had conquered the social world, my friend spent the whole time looking at her watch, distracted and restless. I quickly felt like I was keeping her from being where she really wanted to be. After a very short while I was happy to release her to that elusive destination in her head.
What occurred to me as I sat there, feeling like I just wasn’t worth her time, was an intense sadness that this sort of manic busyness probably created the same response in her boys. Although always physically present for them, it came to me that they probably felt her emotional absence deeply. I only had one morning coffee with her, and that was enough for me. They had to deal with it every day.
Now as the distractions of smart phones - providing 24/7 access to phone calls, texts, the internet, tv, games, twitter, Facebook - pose a new challenge for parents, it is a good time to ponder John Lennon’s insight: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
The only way we can create the life we want is if we actually create it, rather than just allow life to happen to us. A requisite element of creating this life is presence.
