One of the significant relationships in my life was what you might call a bottomless pit of love. No matter how much I loved, admired, supported, cherished, or encouraged this loved one, it was never enough. Never enough for them to feel loved, or lovable, or to get them to love me back. In the face of my outpouring of constant, unshakeable love, all I mostly received in return was indifference, dishonesty and disloyalty. I know now that this person’s self-hatred was so deep, and so entrenched, that my love would never, and could never, be enough.
We all have (at least) one of these people in our life. No matter how much we love them, forgive them, support them, boost them and help them, they take it all with little gratitude or appreciation and always want, even demand and feel entitled to, more.
With the more peripheral people in our lives the effects of this imbalance can be mitigated by physical and/or emotional distance. We are able to manage the relationship so that we are neither depleted nor exploited, whilst still loving them.
Then there are the people who play a key role in our life who are not so easily distanced or managed: parents, children, siblings, the father or mother of our children. No matter how much we try to get the distance we need for our own preservation, these loved ones are so crucial to our journey that we cannot, even in our moments of despair and frustration, sever them from our hearts or our lives.
But, contrary to all that we have been led to believe, life is not a walk in the park. Life is a mountain climb and our lives are strategically scattered with the people and conditions that are designed to push us to our very limits, beyond what we at first believe to be possible, to dig so deep we eventually find that version of ourselves that can love no matter what.
When we can do this, we live in a state of constant love. In this state we lose all fear because love eradicates fear. The more we love, the less we fear. Love protects us, strengthens us, supports and nurtures us so that we lose all fear of loss. After all, the only loss we can truly suffer when others do not return our love is the loss of ego. It is only our ego that wants us to feel wronged, unappreciated, ignored or slighted.
Because of the inbuilt paradox of human life, life is not what it first appears. This is the secret of life. We think others are the source of the love we need. We are taught to believe we need others to love us for us to have love in our lives, that it is the love of others that demonstrates to us, and to the world, that we are lovable.
Contrary to everything we have been taught about love, when we love unconditionally, we immerse ourselves in the very energy of life. If we can manage to persist in our offering of the unconditional gifts of patience, forbearance, honesty, gentleness and kindness, we will eventually find that nothing can hurt us, diminish us or deter us from all the love and joy life has to offer.
In truth, Divine, unconditional love is the very energy from which we are created. It is who we are and what we are meant to be doing. When we love we tap into the very meaning of life, enabling us to harness all the wisdom, inspiration and guidance we need to live free, in joy and peace. For this, and for those who create this paradoxical opportunity for love, we should be eternally grateful.
